‘Is the meaning of life to get excited about someone, genuinely feel interested in what he says, try to make him feel interested in what you say, make your bodies touch a lot, then ‘mess up’ somehow, have a long discussion where you ‘talk about a lot’ but don’t actually talk about anything although you tell yourselves you’ve reached some kind of ‘resolution,’ see him less at parties, write things to him and regret it, cycle through desire and hatred towards him but sort of feel unjustified for feeling anything towards him at all, try to get interested in other things or people, have long stretches of time of just sitting in your bed, looking out the window and wondering how it got to be so late, crave physical contact, crave someone validating your existence by showing interest in you, maybe get drunk by yourself a few nights and fall asleep in the bathtub, wake up, and go to work the next day?’